3.

How am I suposse to live with this insecurity? I feel like everyone around me is constantly betraying me. Why do I have to live like this? Why do they compel me to sacrifice myself everytime for themselves? Am I suposse to change who I am, just because they don't want me the way I truly am?
They accepted me like this. Is just like a fucking contract. When you accept someone as it is, is a non-written rule that says "I will never try to change you". But this is absolutely trying to, not just change me, but destroy myself.
I want to be living far away from here, I want to come back to my place, my home, my people, my status, my husband... EVERYTHING. I don't get the point of any of this.
Yes, I truly believe there's someone waiting for me as I write this, and that he's probably watching everything I do at every single moment of the day, assuming he didn't come with me to this hell. If he did so, and he can't find himself, I'd be much better without him, because he might become someone he's not and I wont be able to forgive any action caused by a human being. We are suposse to be royals, we can't make mistakes, and if he's the one, he's taking too many risks. He absolutely doesn't care about me, or he would wait one day to go out with me and his damn friends. I don't get it. I really don't get it.
I'm truly mad at him right now, and I feel sad and... I don't even know what else to write that could possibly define the destructive feelings I'm having right now. My stomach hurts, I feel like I can't breath...
I need to take everything away, even if that means going back to that time when I didn't fall in love with you because... We hadn't met yet.

2.

Truth be told, I wouldn't like to go back to Saturday night. My head boils everytime I think about that night. Everything had change, I wasn't me, he wasn't himself... I felt strange and terribly wrong when I went to sleep. I still wonder if they had to do something with that feeling or it was just me hoping that "they" actually existed.
However, today it was clean and weirdly good. I had a nice and short night with friends and him, we went to a walk together, we even had the chance to talk about ourselves and that never happens in the middle of a party.
Something's coming, something big and strange, and I don't know what it is, but I would love to know it as soon as possible.
I still have to remember myself we're strangers, just to make sure I don't fall that deep into the ground like I did that night, but I guess this is the right thing to do, to stay put and lay feets on the ground until I'm pretty sure I can fly without the possibility to fall. It may take years, maybe I never reach it, but humans do have a tendency on trying so hard to find happiness, and as I was told to be as human as I could be, that's exactly what I'm going to do: search my happiness and, if I find it, embrace it with all my beating heart.

1.

I'm honestly afraid. I don't know what the future holds for us, or how we may live. I don't even know if we're going to choose different paths someday.
I came to find myself wondering if all of this was true or something was hidden, and I got no answer to my prayers. I can't have this doubts for all my life, I can't wonder if someone is going to betray me again, if I'm able to trust. I truly think I'm blind sometimes, and I don't like being vulnerable. I won't let them see I'm close to fall again to the edge and never come back. I will rise, over and over again, and I don't care if that is none of their pleasure. It's also none of their bussiness.
Moon, I beg of you, protect those who I love and I care about, give me the answers I need, let me rest properly and not being haunted by this questions which won't like to dissapear from my mind, but, most important, protect me. Send help, I don't care how or who, but I got no time. I don't know if will be able of acting strong and confident this longer, and you are the only reason why I keep my head straight to the skies, because I want you to be proud of your girl.